Oh, to heck with it. On with the show.
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“I’d like to smack you over the head right now.”
That sentence, at least in my recollection, was the first thing Awa said to me when I told him I’d been training with a sore left wrist last week. And why wouldn’t he? He’s got a history of injuries that I’d probably never be able to accumulate in my lifespan. The boy’s two years younger than me and he’s built like a brick wall...possibly the last brick wall left after a bombing raid. In that sense, he’s a lot older, and probably wiser, than me. Well, among many other things. The point is, he’s been having the same injuries, at a worse scale. So it’s just fair that he’d wish to give me a friendly reminder before I do something stupid.
The thing is, I can’t learn from his mistakes alone.
Awa has had experience in this. His life’s history has given him that. He can take in a lot more pain and stress than I can, that’s for sure. From what I learned, he grew up tough and hardy, especially with recent rugby experience. Truth be told, I got off easy growing up. Very easy. And definitely a lot less physically oriented. So when he says he needs to stop training because his wrist is sore, that’s because he knows it’s sore and will be a lot more troublesome in the future.
I, on the other hand, don’t know my own body as well as he does. I can’t tell whether it’s my fears, doubts and laziness speaking when my body seems to run out of energy or start hurting in the middle of training. I’ve avoided physical strain too many times in the past, telling myself that I’m tired and hurt, that I’ve really no clue as to what exhausted really means.
I’ll be honest. The only other time I feel exhausted out of the club is when I stay up three nights in a row to beat an essay deadline. And it’s not a good feeling, no endorphins running through my bloodstream; just a dull, zombified state where all I can do after handing in the darn thing is collapse in heap on the bed and sleep for a day and a half. In other words, I never really knew true physical exhaustion. Well, apart from film club, but that’s a completely different case.
Thus, when it comes to kendo sessions, I always have to ask myself; is it really my body telling me that it’s hurt, or am I just trying to justify copping out? One thing I’ve learned from my short experience of kendo; if everyone’s doing the same thing and getting equally tired, I don’t feel as tired as when I’m doing it alone. On the other hand, if I jump out and sit on the sidelines for the rest of the session, I do feel a lot less tired...but somehow it feels wrong. The joy of getting a respite (for me, at least) is often overpowered by the feeling of regret in not trying harder (and really collapse :D) as well as getting left behind by the rest of my friends.
If Awa is reading this, he might say that I could catch up training later on, and breaking my wrist now would be plain stupid. Also, he'd whack me over the head if I did it. Fair enough. But I’m not him. He can do that through experience. I prided myself for being known as a patient person back home; in front of someone who’s sat on the sidelines for four months just watching the rest of us train and still won the Beginner’s Cup two weeks after he recovered, I realised that I've got so much more to learn. In his shoes, I’d probably get frustrated a lot, impatient as I really am. Maybe even get depressed or something equally meaningless (although it would be a good exercise in patience, for me). Needing a tough pill, no less.
Robin-senpai mentioned to Awa, after hearing our little chat, that he can only give me so much advice; the choice is mine and mine alone to make. Thanks, senpai. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. In the end, I can choose to listen to Awa’s sound advice...or follow my own intuition, wherever that may take me. Sure, I could end up injuring myself so badly I’d have to take some time off training. Unless I take that risk, I’ll never know for sure what my limit is. Just like I need to take a chance and do a level 100 pre-requisite paper to get to a level 200, with a 50-50 chance of passing, I need to find just how much my body can truly take before I can say, “ I need to stop training” without regret. If I don’t, I may as well be stuck in fear of hurting myself and shirk before every bit of ‘pain’ that registers in my mind. I've come to this still-in-the-works conclusion:
When I am finally aware of the real limitations of my body, then I can understand when the pain means ‘stop’ and when it means “you can go just a little bit more, boyo”.
Now, more than ever, I’m truly learning that my actions have consequences. I took this for granted in the past. If I made a stupid mistake, I had a safety net that consisted of family and friends. Here, if I make a stupid mistake, chances are I’m the only one who can amend it. For what it’s worth, I know Awa’s advice is gold. I trust it, I really do, but some things I just have to do in order to grow up. Even it makes me a “fool” for doing so, in Robin-senpai’s words.
Cheers.
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Right. Probably unnecessarily personal.
On more club-related news...
During yesterday's (Tuesday, 4 March 2008) session, Marleen-sensei informed us that she had considered Darrin-senpai's idea of incorporating kata training into all sessions. Due to focusing on entering this year's Open Champ, we will have to maximize time spent on kihon and shiai training. However, we may start later from now on, as people have often been unable to come in for the 6.10 (Tuesday and Thursday) or 3.10 (Saturday) formal start. That means whoever comes in early can practice kata. Like an extended warm-up, perhaps. More details to come.
I learned that my jumping suburi technique is incorrect; I interpreted Sam-sensei's instruction on "speed up when striking" as being a sudden, whip-like cut at the end of the down-swing. Marleen-sensei informed me that the whole down-swing was supposed to gradually speed up. Not an abrupt snap, but a gradual acceleration. Or maybe I'm getting even more mixed up right now. Not good.
Also, does anyone else feel really easily drained during the sessions lately? Because if it's just me, then I probably need to eat more :D
Night, all.
